Safety and Reach



A number of high school seniors I know have sent in their confirmations to the colleges and universities that have accepted them, and something funny has happened. The kids who were accepted at some pretty fancy selective schools are sending the yes postcards to the state universities.

The reason is money.

And we parents are feeling a little bit bitter that we bought off on the advice that told us, “ don't let the cost stop you because you’ll be amazed at the financial aid packages schools offer.”

So while we encouraged our kids to apply to some of these schools, and congratulated them on their acceptance, we are the ones who have to make the decision, to tell our kids, we aren't going to be robbing ourselves of retirement funds to send you to your first choice school.

Oh what a bitter taste to feel as if you've been courted, flirted with, even kissed, only to be dropped like a spurned lover.

Admittedly, there are some good scholarships and grants, and in our case, we are happy that Hans was offered a sizable scholarship to two of the schools to which he was accepted. But two of the private schools didn't offer him anything, but couldn't wait to meet him on acceptance day. Someone out there thinks we’re going to have our kid take out loans to finance a $44,000 a year school? Does anyone think borrowing 10, 20, even 30 thousand a year is responsible?

High school counselors suggest students apply to a reach college, as well as a safety college. I am pretty sure they’re talking academics and acceptance. It turns out that terminology is now being used for affordability, as news articles pick up on the precarious state of our national economy, and warn students that loan companies with which colleges contract are in trouble.

Apply to a reach college, and a safety college.

Harvard and Stanford University plan to reduce the cost of tuition in an attempt to make their schools more affordable to the middle class. In Harvard’s case, tuition for a middle class family would be limited to ten percent of the household’s income up to $180,000. What a commendable, honorable, and just plain democratic effort. If you fit the academic and leadership profiles of a strong candidate, you should be able to imagine an education from such a school without incurring extreme debt.

Colleges need to hear when students don’t choose a school because they can’t afford it; maybe then there will be a greater effort to make college affordable to the middle class.

Details

Details, details. I hate details and live in fear that missing some minor one will render me irreparably screwed. Hans has no tolerance for details either, believing he can overcome or outsmart any missing detail. I fear, he ignores.

And we do miss details. The worst case was totally missing the the scholarship application deadline to one of the schools. We haven’t heard yet the consequences of that blunder.

Less disastrous was when the acceptance letters starting coming in requiring the happy recipient to read every single line after “Congratulations.” Lines that said things like, “to hold your space, send in your deposit of $150.00 by March 1st or 21 days after receiving this letter.” Oops, no one saw the 21 days. I feared the repercussions (that his space would no longer be held) and Hans blithely watched me write out the check and post it a good two and a half months late. (I helicoptered in and called the school to verify he was still in. He was.)

It is irritating that after all this angst over choosing colleges and having colleges choose your kid, we have to stay on our toes, be diligent to the end, even if we don’t know which school he’ll choose.

Get your FAFSA done, get your scholarship essays and applications in, get your “save my space for fall admission” deposit in, get your housing applications and deposits in, wait for college X to send a letter of acceptance, followed a month later by college Y, don’t commit to any until all financial aid/scholarship packages are presented…even if college Z accepted you and offered a kick-ass scholarship two months ago.

And finally don’t forget to write the letters before May 1st to get your deposits refunded if you aren’t going to attend.

How do those who apply to upwards of ten schools ever keep it straight? How many high school seniors are that cognizant of all these little details beyond their applications? As much as we parents and the college admissions folks want the students to be the ones in charge of this process, we have to concede that at the very least, this is a “team” effort, in most part led by parents.